Boss: Let’s All Go Around the Table and Make Everyone Uncomfortably Anxious

“My personal best was… I went on a bluff hike, I guess…? And my business best? Uhh, well for starters I haven’t flipped over this table in rage during the meeting, so that’s impressive…”

LA CROSSE, WIS — Employees of a small marketing agency in La Crosse have confirmed that their boss has yet again asked them to go around the table and share something, making nearly everyone unnecessarily anxious and uncomfortable.

“She does this at every meeting,” Collaborate Media employee Justin Bystander said. “She asks us to go around the table and share something from our personal lives that make us better at our job or some shit… it’s as awful as it sounds.”

Employees who described themselves as extroverted say the camp counselor-type exercise at most is an uncomfortable nuisance, but for those who say they are more guarded, it’s a whole other matter.

“It’s that ‘waiting for the axe to fall feeling’ I used to get in class when you knew the teacher was going to call on you whether you had your hand up or not,” employee Brandi Manson said. “I just say ‘my kids’ every time. My kids make me better at my job, blah blah blah, and then hopefully they move on. I know… everyone knows it’s a cop out, but what am I supposed to say? Hey, I stopped secretly drinking a glass of wine at 7:30am to take the edge off? Nope. Not doing it.”

Collaborate Media’s president Karen Sweep could not be reached for comment because she was on a three month surfing retreat on the west coast. Some of her employees have speculated that the motivation behind the exercises at each meeting are due to a lack of meeting preparation in the first place.

“I think she is just saving face in the most annoying way possible,” Bystander said. “It’s easy to seem like you have a plan for a meeting when your plan is for everyone else to not-so-secretly be running it for you.”

Reporter Sam Shilts contributed to this article.