BREAKING: Local Politician Can't Take a Hint… Again

LA CROSSE, WIS — Wednesday, perennial non-senator Dan Kapanke announced he would again be running for second place in a race against Jennifer Shilling for the 32nd Senate district in Wisconsin.

Kapanke, who was recalled in 2011 for telling teachers, other union members and all of their families to go fuck themselves, will again be vying for a seat most people don’t want him to have.

“I know I’ve essentially lost by a small margin already,” Kapanke said, right after pissing on Phillip La Follette’s grave. “But I just like to make people nervous, you know?”

Kapanke went on to say that he thinks he has a chance to win if voter turnout is about the same as attendance at a La Crosse Loggers game.

“If we can just get it down to like 45, 50 people,” Kapanke said. “Then maybe, just maybe I’ll have a shot at it.”

The election will be held on November 3rd of this year.

Reporter Sam Shilts contributed to this article.

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