CBD Store Really Banking on Your Overactive Kids Until Weed Becomes Legal

LA CROSSE, WIS — A local retailer of CBD products has slid into a niche since Wisconsin will appear to remain a hold out state when it comes to Marijuana legalization – despite all of our neighbors legalizing in one form or another.

“I’m just glad they’re doing any business here,” local mother Amy Schwartz said, clearly frazzled by having a child who is somehow overstimulated by Animal Crossing. “I know little Jimmy is doing a lot better now that we don’t have to dose him with tranquilizer just to get through math class.”

But parents aren’t the only ones benefiting from the CBD industry, local pet owners are also taking advantage of the compound’s calming effects.

“I knew when we rescued a herding dog, it was going to be difficult to raise in the city,” dog owner Gerlad Ravenblatt stated. “But now the poor thing is so stoned all the time, she doesn’t even notice she’s stuck inside in a city where squirrels outnumber people 100 to 1.”

At this time, there’s still no sign that Wisconsin will legalize THC, even for medical use. But for now, CBD seems to remain a perfectly acceptable staple of the community, as long as you’re not talking to anyone over 60.

Reporter Jake Leis contributed to this article.