Co-op Now Offering Free Range, Locally Sourced, Unfettered Capitalism

LA CROSSE, WIS — A popular grocer in downtown La Crosse recently began offering capitalism in its most purest and unadulterated form Saturday.

The People’s Food Co-op, located on 5th Avenue South, came under fire recently after a leaked photo revealed what some workers called the “unceremonious” elimination of three positions held by longtime employees. The move was made “to adjust our workforce size to the current economy and sales, and to match the department management structures in each store”, according to the posted staff communication.

Pictured: Pure, unfiltered and raw capitalism

“Restructurings like this are fairly common,” economist Bulgy Poquettebook said. “They are presented as ‘business decisions’ that are ‘nobody’s fault’ which is supposed to make it slightly easier to swallow for everyone else whose life isn’t upended by said decision.”

Other shoppers were unphased by the co-op’s decision.

“They offer seemingly everything else in a totally organic and unprocessed state,” shopper Jerry Culvert said, “so I’m not surprised that they’re offering capitalism in the same fashion.”

“Every other business offers capitalism, sure… but this is very high quality capitalism, locally sourced,” shopper Sam Box-Kutter said. “You can really taste the complete lack of empathy.”

La Crosse Times Staff contributed to this article.