WASHINGTON, DC — Democratic leadership announced Monday they have purchased sixty tons of breath mints in an effort to capitalize on “that TicTac thing the kids are using”.
House Speaker Nancy Pelosi and Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer took notice after rumors flew of teenage TikTok users being able to disrupt President Trump’s Tulsa rally attendance. The democratic leaders said they no longer could ignore the new social media giant’s potential.
“We’ve got to jump on that little TicTac thing right away,” Speaker Pelosi said. “As democrats, it is our duty to at least half-ass an empty-gesture appeal to young voters, and if buying these mints is what it takes, then I for one am not going to sit back and become an old out-of-touch fuddy-duddy.”
“I don’t understand the appeal, myself,” Senator Schumer said. “I’m more of a Certs kind of guy. But we need to seize this moment. The country’s future depends on it.”
According to younger party interns, the explanation process to democratic leadership on the difference between TicTac and TikTok is ongoing.
“I think Chuck is coming around,” one intern said. “But… Nancy is definitely going to take a lot longer. In the meantime, the DNC is going to have to figure out what to do with all those truckloads of mints. They might have to give it to the Biden campaign so he can get closer to people without making them even more uncomfortable.”
Reporter Sam Shilts contributed to this article.