WINONA, MINN — Confusion over the Winona Mayor’s announcement of a city-wide mask mandate taking effect July 10th has led to the masking of the entire southeastern Minnesota town.
“I meant individual people!” a frustrated Mayor Mark Peterson said. “Each person, indoors, should wear a regular size mask, you buffoons!”
Following the order announcement, employees of the city of Winona began unfurling a 24 square mile facial covering we’re told was visible from Marshland.
“We just heard, ‘Winona needs to be masked by law!’ and followed that order,” city employee Jandrea Hobart said. “Hindsight being 20/20, I suppose we shouldn’t have taken it so literally. The weirdest part is that we just had this much fabric lying around. We were all just like ‘How lucky!’ and didn’t give it a second thought.”
It took a full three days to roll out the city-wide facial covering and will now take a similar amount of time to take down. While it was up, residents described a notable change in air quality.
“That giant mask kept in all of the smells that would typically escape and blow away,” one resident said. “The city basically hotboxed us, and not in a good way. Just one big dutch oven.”
Reporter Sam Shilts contributed to this article.