Council Rep Spends Entire City Meeting Aggressively Defending “The Witcher”

LA CROSSE, WIS — At a full common council meeting Tuesday night, one representative spent hours making clear how he feels about critics of the Netflix series The Witcher.

La Crosse Common Council President and human ray of sunshine Martin Gaul first spoke up after Mayor Tim Kabat addressed criticism of the La Crosse Center expansion in his remarks.

“Speaking of critics,” Gaul said. “I have something I need to get off of my chest…”

The Witcher is a Netflix streaming show starring Henry Cavill as “Geralt of Rivia”, a traveling monster slayer for hire. The show is based on short stories and a popular video game series of the same name. Netflix’s The Witcher is unique in its “Tell, don’t show” and its “Fuck you, figure it out” approach to storytelling. It is currently sitting at an average of 67% on Rotten Tomatoes, with a harsh split between critics (40%) and fans (92%).

“[Gaul] just went off,” Mayor Kabat. “I had no idea he felt that strongly about such an average quality TV show.”

Gaul focused primarily on a PowerPoint presentation he made prior to the meeting explaining the timeline of the show’s first season accompanied by an expletive-laden rant about how intelligent The Witcher’s construction is.

“You watch this whole fucking part leading Geralt to Cintra and you’re none the fucking wiser!” Gaul said. “You don’t have a good god damn clue that he’s not actually going to finally meet the princess because it turns out it WAS IN THE PAST THE WHOLE TIME! AGAIN! It’s like four M. Night Shyamalans rolled into one show AND THERE’S BOOBS. Fuck the critics! This show rocks and anyone who doesn’t like it sucks! Now, let’s talk about Yennefer…”

As a result of his unusual filibuster, which lasted a full six hours, all items on the common council’s agenda were tabled until the next meeting. The Witcher was renewed for a second season.

Reporter Sam Shilts contributed to this article.