County Reports 27 New Cases of People Coming to Full Stop at Empty Roundabout

LA CROSSE, WIS — La Crosse County has added another 27 cases of older drivers coming to a complete stop before slowly trekking through an empty roundabout, bringing the total to 1,237,456 since February of this year.

“We’d like to remind our drivers – again – that if no one from your left is coming, you get to go,” a county spokesperson said. “I wish there was a somehow even simpler description of how that works, but it’s pretty fucking simple already.”

Studies show roundabouts improve traffic flow and greatly reduce the incidences of collisions involving injury. Despite that, most new traffic circles and roundabouts are met with fierce criticism from older drivers.

“Wait wait wait… just once more so I get this straight,” La Crosse resident Blanche Mayberry said. “I have to go right to go left? THIS IS SOCIALISM!”

La Crosse County says more education campaigns, albeit surprisingly, are necessary to slow the spread of slowing traffic unnecessarily at roundabouts.

“This problem is getting worse, somehow,” the county spokesperson added. “If someone you know still does not understand roundabouts, we’re recommending an immediate 28 day quarantine to begin vigorously trying to explain the ‘yield to the left’ concept until it seems like it’s sunken in. You may actually need to double the quarantine time in some cases.” 

Reporter Sam Shilts contributed to this article.

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