Cunnilingus Up 10,000% In Coulee Region After First 60 Degree Day

LA CROSSE, WIS — A study from the Cunnilingus Research Center (CRC) found that with the first 60 degree day of the year, the coulee region saw a 10,000% spike in cases of spontaneous cunnilingus. 

“As the temperature is going up, people are getting down,” says CRC data analyst Blaise Citrusflavor. “It’s very exciting to see people in this area celebrating the nice weather with a bit of wholesome cunnilingus time.” 

The CRC, part of the Franciscan Healthcare’s behavioral health department in the La Crosse have been monitoring cunnilingus rates since 1998, and they have stated that a dip in cunnilingus rates over the winter months is not unusual. 

“Cunnilingus rates ebb and flow in a similar pattern to bird migration,” clarified Citrusflavor, “and now it’s time for cunnilingus to come back.” 

And come back it has… with a 10,000% spike, this is the highest rate scientists have seen cunnilingus being performed in several years. That said, Citrusflavor clarified that he does not expect the current rate to hold steady for long. 

“People get excited when warm weather arrives in La Crosse,” Citrusflavor continued, “but expect cunnilingus rates to fall back into normal cunnilingual patterns by May when the humidity arrives.” 

This article was contributed by Dr. Jonathan H. Dong.