Dave’s Guitar Celebrates 1,000,000th Dipshit to Play “Smoke On The Water” Incorrectly, Insanely Loud

LA CROSSE, WIS — Curt Hoffman, a local chiropractor and beginning guitar player, was celebrated as the 1,000,000th dipshit to play the song “Smoke On The Water” by classic rock band Deep Purple both incorrectly and obnoxiously too loud while in the shop. 

Hoffman, 37, started learning to play the guitar approximately three weeks ago after his wife spontaneously brought home a used acoustic guitar at a garage sale. Since then, Hoffman stated that he has dedicated 3-5 minutes per day, two days per week, to practicing on the untuned Yamaha guitar. 

The staff at Dave’s Guitar were blown away by Hoffman’s confidence with his level of playing skill. 

“Usually new guitarists go through a repertoire of simple songs like Wild Thing, Smells Like Teen Spirit, and Heard It Through The Grapevine, but they are generally played at a reasonable volume,” said Robert Page, a Dave’s Guitar employee, “but this asshole played the Smoke [On The Water] riff for a solid two hours with the volume cranked on one of our most expensive tube amps! Not only that, he played it in the key of E minor instead of G minor! It sure was a special moment.”

After Hoffman finished playing his two hour impromptu one-riff set, Hoffman left the store without buying anything, but it was reported that he walked out with as many five of the shop’s free guitar picks in his pocket. 

Reporter Dr. Jonathon H. Dong contributed to this article.