"Dukes of Hazzard Roundabout" Pretty Bad Name in Hindsight: Onalaska Officials

ONALASKA, WIS – Onalaska officials at city hall are questioning a decision made to call a new roundabout on highway 35 “Dukes of Hazzard Roundabout” after the city has witnessed six ramp-style car jumping accidents since the roundabout’s opening only a couple years ago. 

This concern was brought up with city officials along with a slew of others including a sign that reads “SET THE RECORD! What are ya? Chicken?” on the roadway leading up to the roundabout as well as the blinking arrows that lead up the grass hill which is coincidentally the perfect size, shape, and angle for a car ramp. They have also considered removing the nearby speaker repeatedly playing a car-horn version of the first 12 notes of the song “Dixie.”

“It’s sad that our efforts to pay homage to one of the greatest shows ever pulled from the TV Land schedule has to be tainted by hooligans with cars far inferior to The General Lee,” said Onalaska official Arnold Braunschweiger. This is in reference ‘69 Dodge Charger used on the show. 

Of the six cars that made the vault, there were no survivors. 

Reporter Jonathan H. Dong contributed to this article.