Employee Working From Home Still Managing to Be Terrible Coworker

LA CROSSE, WIS — With the continued spread of the coronavirus, many employees are now forced to work from home, which means managers, employees, and project teams must find new ways to communicate and work together productively.

Employers say they have been largely successful in maintaining continuity in their levels of service and production, with the goal of keeping daily operations as normal as possible. 

In keeping with this goal, Jared Koechner, business system analyst at Trane in La Crosse, has continued being a low-output, minimally contributing coworker from home. 

“I’ll get to that stuff later today,” said Koechner from his home office as another email arrived, bringing his total of unanswered emails to 105. “Yes! There’s the red jack I needed. Fuck yeah!” he added, switching tabs to a game of solitaire.

Koechner believes excellence and communication are at the core of productive business teams, whether in the office or at home. 

“In my department, I view myself as a jack-of-all-trades chameleon. Who knows what I really do? I do a little of everything, I’m always talking, I’m a delegator. I’m everything and yet nothing without my team. That’s the level I’m striving for,” Koechner said. 

His coworkers agree.

“Yeah, he’s right about always talking. The guy won’t shut up and stay on task when we’re in a meeting,” said Sheila Perkins, assistant to the regional manager. “I mean seriously. Shut the hell up for once.”

Other coworkers described Koechner as “distractible,” “lazy,” “invisible,” and “dead weight.” Some hope he transfers or quits soon. 

“Yep, now that I’ve risen this far in the company, I want to give back. It’s been quite a journey. I really think the key–OH MY GAWD WOULD YOU LOOK AT THOSE PUPPIES WEARING ONESIES!” Koechner shouted at the YouTube video up on his computer screen. 

Koechner was unavailable for further comment, and coworkers later confirmed the video was shared with them. 

Reporter Greg Lovell contributed to this article.