Floating Trash Heap in Pacific to be Represented at Next Olympics

TOKYO, JPN — In May, the 2020 Tokyo Summer Olympics were officially postponed to 2021 due to concerns over the coronavirus pandemic, as it would be impossible to gather the thousands and thousands of fans, athletes, reporters, and others in one place for two weeks. During this delay, a new country has formed and will be joining the games next summer – the trash heap in the Pacific Ocean. 

This week, The United Nations recognized The Democratic Republic of Trash Heap (formerly known as the Great Pacific Garbage Patch) as a sovereign nation. The garbage patch – a collection of plastic floating trash halfway between Hawaii and California – more than qualifies as a country due to its sheer mass as it is more than 600,000 square miles in size. That’s twice the size of Texas and is larger than 93% of all other countries in the world.  

“I’m very excited our talented athletes can represent the country of Trash Heap in next summer’s Olympic games,” said Democractic Republic of Trash Heap President Oscar Dilleybar. “Our athletes are vigorously training as we speak to be highly competitive.”

Pictured: The official flag of the Democratic Republic of Trash Heap.

The athletes represented will don the official Trash Heap flag that is ocean blue with a trash bag in the middle. They will also be wearing their country’s historical garb made entirely of plastic bags with a 6 pack ring wrapped around their necks and a straw shoved up their noses. 

The floating garbage island will be sending the maximum of 72 athletes to compete in the 2021 summer Olympic games in Tokyo. Due to the fact that the Trash Heap does not have 72 humans living in the country, they will be sending a variety of aquatic animals to fill the vacant positions, all of whom have some sort of plastic wrapped around or inside their body. 

“I’m really hoping for this to be a modern Cool Runnings experience where the world rallies around us,” Dilleybar added, ”and maybe someday Disney will make a movie that is ‘based on a true story’ but is entirely made up.”  

Reporter Dr. Jonathan H. Dong contributed to this article.