GOOD NEWS: Job Responsibilities in Wisconsin Now 100% Optional

LA CROSSE, WIS — Following the lead from Sheriff’s departments across the state refusing to enforce a public mask mandate, Wisconsin has now made doing your job totally optional for everyone.

“I’m really glad we could set this example,” La Crosse County Deputy Ranken Fyle said. “Doing all of one’s job is a ton of work. I’m glad that the example we set means no one else has to do anything they might not want to.”

The new rule states that unless employees feel like doing something, nobody has to do anything.

“We now provide legal protections against terminations under this rule as well,” attorney Flats McHuffner said. “That is… unless attorneys don’t feel like doing it. Then maybe we won’t. Sometimes lawyering is hard.”

Experts say the new rule could completely alter the way of life in the state, which some at the Sheriff’s department now take as a matter of pride.

“Teachers, if you don’t feel like dealing with that one kid? Don’t. Are you a server who just doesn’t want to serve a particular person? Good news, you don’t have to! Just take a page from our playbook and don’t do anything you don’t want to, regardless of impact or importance,” Deputy Fyle said. “Go ahead, Wisconsin. Be as childish as you want. You’re welcome.”

Reporter Sam Shilts contributed to this article.