GOP Legislators Also Want You to Know This Podium Doubles as a Pretty Sweet Cooler

LA CROSSE, WIS — While calling on the governor to help shore up delayed unemployment requests, Representatives Loren Oldenburg and Tony Kurtz wowed local news media by cracking a few cold ones from what everyone assumed was just a boring old tiny podium they set on a park bench.

“You should have seen their faces,” Kurtz said. “The WIZM guy was like, ‘Whoa!’ and the WXOW guy was like ‘Holy shit, that’s so cool! Where can I get one of those?’”

The two foot long by one foot tall podium hinged at the top just near the “Unemployment Relief” sign to open and revealed a little over a dozen unlabeled bottles of home brews.

“I brew these myself,” Oldenburg said. “Right now I’m calling it ‘American Pale Ale’, but I might end up going with something more clever like ‘Fake Brews’ or ‘Abortion Hops a Beating Heart’.”

After opening their secret cooler, much of the conversation about unemployment derailed quickly.

“We kind of forgot about the unemployed,” Kurtz said. “But to be honest, we were really just here to show off the podium.”

Reporter Sam Shilts contributed to this article.

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