High Schooler Excited To Steal First Pearl Street D.T.B. Can To Shotgun/Crush On Head At House Party

LA CROSSE, WIS – La Crosse area high schooler, Kevin Amann, is eyeing the opportunity to experience one of his dad’s favorite beers for the first time – at least once his dad falls asleep. 

Twenty years ago, Pearl Street Brewery’s DownTown Brown (D.T.B.) was birthed into the local drinking scene by the likes of local beer wizard Joe Katchever. Since its inception, this local-favorite, award-winning brew has been shared all over the state of Wisconsin. Now Pearl Street is expanding their audience of this classic brew from middle-aged beer lovers to post pubescent social status builders by offering it in an easily stolen, snuck-out-of-the-house, shotgunning, and then smash on the forehead can form.  

With the release of Pearl Street Brewery’s (PSB) first canned beer, Amann is vying for the chance to sneak a six pack out of the house while his dad is slowly dozing to reruns of Cheers. He then plans to hide it under a blanket in the the trunk of his 2001 Buick Century he got from his grandmother for his 17th birthday and drive it over to his buddy Brandon’s house because his parents are out of town. Once there, he will shotgun the room temperature beer and then crush the can on his head while his buddies scream like maniacs.  

“All we’ve ever been able to sneak out are cans of Natural Light,” whispered Amann as to not wake his dozing father. “Now that dad can buy DTB in more affordable cans, I doubt if he’ll notice a can or two gone here and there.”

It was later reported that Amann was not able to complete the shotgunning process as he did not anticipate the amazing medium-bodied, lightly roasted malts and caramel flavors. This subsequently led to a half-full can crushing attempt that left Amann with a large red ring on his head, a mild concussion, and an aromatic mess.

Reporter Jonathon H. Dong contributed to this article.