Husband Catches Wife Rearranging Dishwasher After He Just Fucking Loaded It

ONALASKA, WIS — An intense battle of passive-aggression took place on the north side of Onalaska Tuesday evening when a local husband discovered his wife rearranging the dishes in dishwasher after he just finished loading it. 

Derrick Earmuffs and his wife Sally were in the living room watching an episode Schitt’s Creek when Sally said she was going to the kitchen to make herself some tea. Derrick became suspicious when Sally had not returned ten minutes later, so he went to investigate. That’s when he heard an odd, yet familiar, noise. 

“It sounded like the plates clinking together,” a tear-laden Derrick stated, “I thought to myself – Is she unloading the dishwasher already? I literally just loaded it, and it wasn’t quite full yet.”

That’s when Derrick burst into the kitchen, flicked on the light, and caught his wife secretly involved in committing the disloyal act of dishwasher dish rearrangement.

In a study conducted by the Center For Dishwasher Loading and Management, they found that anywhere between 50-60% of marriages experience some form of deceitful dishwasher reloading violations. 

“My heart just sank,” continued Derrick, “We stood there staring at one another. I didn’t know what to say.” 

Sally told a different version of the events from that evening claiming that Derrick is an inattentive dish-loader and she was driven into the act. 

“He puts bowls on the bottom, silverware facing downward, and cups facing up!” Sally explained, “I mean, who in their right mind would place a cup right side up in a dishwasher? It fills up with the disgusting dish water.” 

Sally also claimed to have shown Derrick “at least a thousand times” but that figure is unsubstantiated and believed to be hyperbolic. 

Though neither has been delegated to the couch for sleeping, this level of argument did constitute a “sleeping with your back turned away from the the other in a pissy sort of way.” 

Reporter Dr. Jonathon H. Dong contributed to this article.

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