Jeff Bezos to Commit $10 Billion for Covering Up “JUST!” Tags

LA CROSSE, WIS — The richest man on earth announced he would help La Crosse fight an existential threat to the sides of the city’s ugliest buildings.

Amazon founder and CEO Jeff Bezos, whose wealth eclipses $116 billion, announced Tuesday that he would be committing a small portion of his fortune – $10 billion – to help combat JUST! graffiti tags being left all over downtown La Crosse’s worst looking places.

“I want to help others to find both ways that are known, and explore new ways to combat the threat these mostly ignored brick buildings face each day,” Bezos said, shortly after breathing fire on a knight who was trying to slay him.

“JUST!” tags appear at a rapid rate in La Crosse. The Wisconsin Institute of Graffiti Research estimates that a JUST! tag appears on a building at a rate of 13 tags every three or four seconds.

“It’s super hard to keep up,” Sgt. Tom Walsh of La Crosse PD said. “It’s like one shows up, you spend an hour cleaning it off, and then you turn around and the entire wall behind you is covered!”

Following his interview with The La Crosse Times, Sgt. Walsh turned around to discover he had a JUST! tag on his back.

At a price of $115 dollars to remove each tag, experts estimate the generous donation from Bezos to last through the end of the day Thursday.

Reporter Sam Shilts contributed to this article.