LA CROSSE, WIS — On Saturday night, police performed a raid on the home of Jungin Snapplefact from an anonymous tip of illegal weapons in his home. The La Crosse man was arrested after an investigation by the Campbell Police Department, and a flamethrower was confiscated at the scene. Later that evening, the flamethrower was returned to the man as it was proven to be a medicinal-use flamethrower.
“Mr. Snapplefact was apprehended for possession of a flamethrower,” explained Campbell Police Chief Chippy Ballsack, “but [Snapplefact] did have a verified doctor prescription for the flamethrower, so we were not able to charge him for possession of the flamethrower.”
The police then released Snapplefact, returned the flamethrower, and issued an apology. Apparently that was not enough for Snapplefact.
“How dare they just barge into an innocent man’s house in the middle of the night, arrest him like some kind of criminal, and confiscate his medical flamethrower,” commented a visibly angered Snapplefact. “Without my flamethrower, I could die.”
Snapplefact then explained that the flamethrower helps him with several medical issues.
“I am allergic to bee stings,” Snapplefact explained, “so if I see a bee, I use my prescription flamethrower. I tell you what, even if I don’t kill the bee it’s gonna leave.”
Snapplefact then explained how he applies the same strategy to all things he is allergic to including peanut butter, grass and tree pollen, and pet dander.
It wasn’t until recently that Snapplefact started using the flamethrower to help with social distancing stating that if people are not wearing a mask and/or come within 6 feet of him, he simply uses “one squirt from the flamethrower to back them off without the awkward confrontation.”
“Just because a person is walking down the street shooting a flamethrower, does not mean they are up to no good,” Snapplefact concluded. “Flamethrower-wielding Americans have rights too.”
Reporter Dr. Jonathan H. Dong contributed to this article.