Local Acappella Group REALLY Difficult to Understand Right Now

BEACHES CORNERS, WIS — An acappella group from Beaches Corners is taking all of the necessary precautions at their performances to keep audience members safe, but attendees say there is a notable downside.

“I can’t understand a fucking thing they are saying,” parent Bill Safron said.

The Beaches Corners High School “Singin’ Cultipackers” ask all three audience members to sit at least six feet apart and wear masks. However, to protect their audience from any particles that may be spewed while singing a gleeful arrangement of Mad World by Tears for Fears, the entire ensemble wears masks themselves.

“They could be singing about the sweet release of tension through intense dreams, or they could be singing about butt-chuggin’ liquid Doritos, no one would be able to tell the difference,” Safron said.

Choir director Jervin Coppenduffer says the masks have actually been a good thing for his ensemble.

“Our kids work so hard, but remembering lyrics is a struggle,” Coppenduffer said. “This way, as long as they’re on key, it’s not as big of a deal if they sing the wrong thing.”

With states relaxing coronavirus restrictions, the Singin’ Cultipackers may soon be back to normal mask-less performances. For now, Coppenduffer says they will continue their garbled tributes to 1980’s British Rock.

Reporter Sam Shilts contributed to this article.