Man Just Fucking Crushing Ball in Slow-Pitch Cage at Riverside Amusement Park

LA CROSSE, WIS — An area man absolutely destroyed the pitching-machine baseballs earlier today in the slow pitch batting cages at Riverside Amusement Park. 

Gary DeMarini, a local construction worker and bar league softball regular, decided to put on a show for the maintenance staff who let him in after he slipped them $40 dollars. DiMarini bought $20 dollars in Riverside Amusement tokens and put them all into the machine at once upon entering. This decision committed DiMarini to over 30 minutes and 200 straight pitches in the cages. 

“It felt good. It felt real good. I got into a couple pitches there,” an exhausted, sweat-soaked DiMarini commented. “They woulda been gone at most major league ballparks.”

Not only did DiMarini arrive at the amusement park earlier today with twenty dollars in his pocket, Icy Hot on his back, and fire in his eyes, he also came with his own equipment bag that including a bat, batting gloves, personalized helmet, cleats, baseball pants, high socks, and eye black. 

One after pitch after another, DiMarini let his old 33 inch, 28 ounce Easton Reflex C-Core baseball bat from high school punish the rubber machine balls one after another. With each swing came a vocal grunt, followed by short comments of “Got that one!”, “Get outta here!” and “See ya!” 

The velocity of the slow-pitch is reported to vary between speeds of 35-40 miles per hour; a speed where the ball gives in to the forces of gravity and begins to drop well before reaching the hitter. Baseball historians refer to this type of pitch as a “meatball” or a “lollypop.” 

Reported Dr. Jonathan H. Dong contributed to this article.