Mt. La Crosse Still Best Place In Town To Enjoy Watching Gruesome Injuries

LA CROSSE, WIS — Despite the growing number of businesses selling high-risk activities in the Coulee Region, Mt. La Crosse still reigns supreme in the “watching gruesome injuries” department. 

“When Jump Start [Adventure Park] opened a couple years ago, I was sure they would give us a run for our money,” said Mt. La Crosse employee Will Whiteguy. “But I think that they just have too many safety procedures in place for patrons to really be able to enjoy gruesome injuries like we have.” 

Whiteguy also commented on the fact that Jump Start specializes in knee and ankle injuries whereas Mt. La Crosse is a full-body injury experience. 

“We have it all,” Whiteguy continued, “Arms, legs, ankles, head, neck… we even dabbled in internal bleeding from time to time. There’s not a business who can compete with us.” 

Now celebrating its 60th year in business, Whiteguy remembers the bar league softball scare of the 1970s. 

“We had a similar reaction in the 1970s when bar league softball really took off in the coulee region,” Whiteguy continued. “They were a broken wrist and torn ACL juggernaut.”

Whiteguy also stated that the scare was short lived as the bar league could not expand their clientele. 

“We are an equal opportunity injurious business,” Whiteguy added, “Men. Women. Young. Old. Doesn’t matter. Mt. La Crosse is your gruesome injury headquarters.”

Dr. Jonathan H. Dong contributed to this article.