OPINION: “Safe Bet” Candidate Turns Out to Be Obviously Bad Choice We All Kinda Knew About

The next president, probably. Ugh.

LA CROSSE, WIS — Recently a coworker told me he would vote for a dog turd as long as it means getting Donald Trump out of office. My question is, where is that dog turd? Because that unformed dookie of kibble and table scraps would honestly have a better chance at beating Donald Trump than Joe Biden.

Let me preface this by saying I will do what I have to when it comes to getting Donald Trump out of the oval office. If the first four years can be characterized by “an erosion of norms”, then the second four years has the potential to lead to a full-on dictatorship. Stop typing, you know that’s true. I don’t have time to get into the well documented things he’s done and been allowed to get away with. He just has to go if there’s any hope of keeping a functional society in this country.

We’re pretty close to that happening, too. The economy that Trump inherited from the previous administration was the only thing – literally THE ONLY THING – he had to make his case for a second term. That’s all gone now, and you could actually watch his decision making happening in real time that led to a total collapse of his precious talking point. Even our country’s feckless, wishy washy, undecided independent voters could see that to some extent. He’s far down in the polls.

Trump’s vulnerability couldn’t be much higher, honestly. And who do we have as the pinch hitter? Who’s stepping up to the free throw line? Who’s coming to save the day in another sports metaphor that would be really clever and make sense right here?

Fucking Joe Biden? I hate all of you.

I fully understand how bad of a person Trump is, okay? I get it. But I’m sick of hearing the lesser of two evils lecture. Whether you believe the forced fingering sexual assault allegations from Tara Reade is one thing (and says more about you, honestly), but you can literally watch Joe Biden in the same time period belittling Anita Hill for coming forward. You can literally watch him act super creepy toward women while he was in office the last time. On the campaign trail he blew up at a non-binary activist after they asked what policies he had protecting non-binary and trans rights. He might even have had some of those policies! But why react like that? In a test of “Will you be a better person in my corner than the worst monster we’ve seen in this country to date?”, he failed miserably.

He’s also not sold on major climate change action. And I know it’s difficult to remember all the way to before the pandemic last year, but climate change is still happening. Despite a whopping 17% reduction of greenhouse gas emission during this mess, climate experts are still predicting a wildly devastating hurricane season this year.

He’s also railed the hardest against a single payer health insurance system. If there’s anything the coronavirus pandemic did, it was to show that health insurance definitely shouldn’t be tied to whether you have a job, let alone a job that even offers health insurance. He’s still not buying it.

You can watch him dismiss obvious financial struggles facing younger generations. He does not believe it’s any more difficult for generation Y or generation Z, despite every piece of hard data there is to back that up.

You could see him losing a grip in basic debate questions. Go ahead, look back at any of the clips from the democratic debates. He is a living word jumble. It’s maddening to know there were people who watched him in the debates, were somehow able to decipher that ridiculous jumbled up code speak, and decided that he was the best choice. I’m sorry, but they were wrong. Objectively, wrong.

And then, there’s his latest doozy: going on air with Charlamagne Tha God and getting into an argument leading up to Biden saying black people that don’t support him versus Trump, aren’t really black. 

Really? REALLY?? 

In yet another honest “What are you going to do for us that will be better than America’s worst demon twat-bag we’ve ever had?” moment, instead of saying “Here’s what I want to do”, he throws a tantrum, saying if you’re not on my side already, you “ain’t black”.

You know what that childish, total bullshit reaction in the moment reminds me of?

Donald Fucking Trump.

I am fucking livid. I know how important this election is. I know what the stakes are and I can’t pretend that four more years of President Trump isn’t the most dangerous thing that could happen. That’s exactly why I am so fucking upset with democrats. You had over twenty candidates. 

FUCKING TWENTY! You reckless dumbasses. This is our country’s continued existence we are fighting for. And him. Out of twenty. 

That was – at the very least – nineteen overwhelmingly better choices to safely win in a god damned landslide this November than Joe “You Ain’t Black” Biden. Shame on every single one of you that let that happen. Shame on those who voted for him, shame on those who didn’t vote at all… SHAME.

With all of this now, I have to come to terms with casting a vote for him in the fall. We all do, since he was very clearly forced on us. He’s a better choice than Trump, yeah, no shit… But “not consolidating power like an autocratic dictator” shouldn’t be the only low bar our candidate has to clear. Jesus Christ.

So this is where we are. Joe Biden is doing his absolute best to lose the election, which honestly doesn’t make me feel optimistic about him choosing a good VP to bring some good will or excitement back to his campaign (at the time of writing this, they haven’t announced anyone). Knowing our luck, he will probably go with the worst choice that is out there, because that is the world we live in right now.

Reporter Sam Shilts contributed to this article.

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