Optimistic League Insists Preseason is “Half Full”

NEW YORK, NY — Following an announcement Wednesday that the NFL’s preseason will be cut down by 50% due to the pandemic, allowing for only two weeks of play, the league is urging fans to look on the bright side of the change.

“We know that a sport like ours, riddled with head trauma and CTE, suddenly caring about health and safety might seem odd,” a spokesperson said, “but to us, at least having some preseason while curbing the coronavirus pandemic is better than none. And by ‘some preseason’, we mean ad revenue.”

The preseason games will be played on consecutive weekends at the end of August. Critics argue that the shortened preseason may not be enough for new draft picks to showcase their skills.

“How is the third string kicker slash concession stands worker supposed to show that they can really shine if they only have two games carried on ESPN 8 to do it?” asked sports analyst Darek Blanstoover. “They can’t, that’s how.”

The league’s changes to preseason were met with mixed reviews among fans, ranging from “Oh they did? Neat, I guess,” to “Whatever, I usually only try to catch the highlights anyway.”

La Crosse Times Staff contributed to this article.