Pence Protesters to Reuse Signs for Chick-Fil-A

ONALASKA, WIS — A planned protest of Vice President Mike Pence was abruptly called-off when the VP cancelled a local appearance at a “Women For Trump” rally. 

A group of protesters called the F*** Mike Pence. Seriously, F*** That Guy (FMPSFTG) planned to protest the event are having mixed feelings about the sudden cancellation.

“On one hand, I’m glad he didn’t come. F*** that guy,” commented FMPSFTG protest organizer Gangrene Flagella. “On the other hand, we made some pretty epic signs that I would hate to see go to waste. I mean, we have some real zingers on them. They’re the type of signs that take a person down a peg.” 

Some of the signs Flagella speculated took up to eight minutes to create with at least three different colors. That said, Flagella isn’t ready to put the pun-infused word assault via signage into the closet just yet. This past week, FMPSFTG volunteers found a new use for the signs when a Chick-Fil-A was announced to be going in at the former Fauver Hill School site at 3015 S. Kinney Road in Onalaska. 

“We knew right away that this was our window opportunity to resurrect these beautifully crafted, clever signs,” Flagella continued. “At first we were just gonna shake the signs to obscure the words a little, but then we decided to foot the $0.80 per letter to make the necessary alterations.”

This changing of targets is due to several anti-LGBTQ stances taken by Chick-Fil-A’s chief operating officer Dan T. Kathy, which coincidentally parallels many stances by Pence, except with considerably more chicken sandwiches. 

Reporters Dr. Jonathan H. Dong, Lisa David Olson and Sam Shilts contributed to this article.