LA CROSSE, WIS — A new poll by the Scientists Who Study Stupid Ideas People Have (SWSSIPH) confirmed what we all suspected but are not assertive enough to say: All of the ideas for the use of the old K-Mart building are not well thought out or nuanced and are incredibly stupid.
“It really did not catch us by surprise that people all hate the ideas,” said SWSSIPH researcher Floobin Wetnap. “We just were not expecting the results to be unanimous.”
Wetnap is referring to the survey that polled 51,834 people in the city of the La Crosse to gather feelings attributed to conversations about the use of the abandoned, outdated structure. The results were unanimous: Nobody likes to hear ideas about how to use the space.
“People think it comes down to a lack of creativity or ideas for the space, but nobody wants to recognize that the space just isn’t very good,” Wetnap continued. “Also, can we stop with referring to they or them like it’s some weird conspiracy to not use the building? The building sucks. Your idea sucks.”
Ideas for the space range in thoughtless stupidity from to an indoor skating rink to an elementary school. Wetnap explained the red tape involved with flipping such a property including the building’s many structural deficiencies and physical limitations of the space.
“It needs a new roof, the electrical needs updating, there would be remodeling costs, the location isn’t optimal, and don’t even get me started with the parking lot,” Wetnap continued. “What’s interesting is that the one idea nobody has mentioned that would actually be good is to tear the entire structure down. But then again, that’s my one idea and I already know you think it’s stupid.”
The Kmart building has been bought by the company that also owns the Village Shopping Center across the street with plans for a similar structure. Polling confirmed most residents also think this idea was stupid.
Reporters Dr. Jonathon H. Dong and Sam Shilts contributed to this article.