PORTLAND, OR — Protesters unexpectedly broke out into song after federal police attempted to disperse them Sunday night.
Hundreds of protesters gathered in Portland to continue demonstrations in favor of major reform in the wake of police brutality across the US. After three hours, federal officers in unmarked vehicles arrived and began attempting to disperse the crowd.
“At first they were just throwing people into a van and driving off, like they were bad guys in a Liam Neeson movie,” one protester said, “but that wasn’t working fast enough, so then came the gas rounds.”
Police began firing TH-1983 rounds – or “Tears For Fears Gas” – into the crowd, expecting the relatively new invention to work similar to standard tear gas. They were flabbergasted when the crowd of protesters began compulsively singing as a result.
“I ran when they first started firing those rounds, but I could hear it,” another protester reported. “It was the sound of a hundred people coughing for a little bit and then they started going, ‘…and I think it’s kind of funny… I think it’s kind of sad… the dreams in which I’m dyin’ are the best I’ve ever had…’”
Eventually the federal police had to retreat and regroup before attempting to try and handle the situation again.
“We thought it was going to cause tears and fear. That’s why we wanted to use it,” an unidentified officer squawked through his mandibles. “This totally backfired. That song is so sad, it made me want to rethink my life. Like maybe working for the secret police in a supposedly free country isn’t the best use of anyone’s time, you know?”
Reporter Sam Shilts contributed to this article.