LA CROSSE, WIS — La Crosse area spines will soon be under siege as Bronston Chiropractic has added neck, spine, and bone specialist Steven Seagal to their team of practitioners.
“We’re thrilled to add someone of Steven’s caliber,” said Leo Bronston, owner of the local chain of chiropractic clinics. “This is a man who has masterfully handled thousands of neck and spine issues over his illustrious career. He brings a wealth of experience.”
Bronston noted that Seagal’s unorthodox approach to spinal care will complement their more traditional methods and provide clients a different option.
In a phone interview from his Bering Strait home, Seagal said his methods incorporate various martial arts forms and karate maneuvers to swiftly and severely move vertebrae into position.
“Basically, I’m gonna take you to the bank — to the bone bank,” said Seagal. “You guys think you’re adjusting above the L4 lumbar vertebrae? Well, you ain’t above my adjustment.”
Bronston also hopes Seagal’s celebrity status will build interest and attract new clients, though he expects a sharp decline amongst Jamaican street gang and Russian mercenary sectors.
Reporter Greg Lovell contributed to this article.