White House Will Officially Reclassify as Memory Care Unit by Fall

WASHINGTON, DC — White House health experts have confirmed this week that by November 3rd of 2020, the building at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue will officially rebrand itself as a long term care facility for seniors suffering from dementia.

“This has been a long time coming,” senior White House medical official  Dr. Tawny Phillipshead said. “250 some odd years without the proper equipment to care for these vulnerable old men is 250 some odd years too many.”

The new facility – DC Shady Acres Care – is to be equipped to handle at least one slowly faltering senior aged white man every four years.

“Our residents – which we affectionately call ROTUS’s – can extend their stays to eight years if they pay extra,” Dr. Phillipshead added.

Each ROTUS is also afforded daily activities, palliative care and a security detail for the rest of their lives.

Reporter Sam Shilts contributed to this article.