Winona Considers Changing Name to “Bizzarro La Crosse”


WINONA, MINN — Winona City Council members indicated there is enough support to back an ordinance officially changing the town’s name.

In a statement released Monday, Council President Tenn Thowsandlaeks said the original idea was sparked after watching a classic episode of The Justice League.

“Upon finishing an episode featuring Bizzarro Superman – one of many in Superman’s rogues gallery – I realized Winona is basically a mirror dimension version of La Crosse, not unlike Bizzarro World in that cartoon,” Thowsandlaeks wrote. “We’ve both got bluffs, a downtown next to the river and a large state university. I bet if we delved deeper, we might find a doppelganger for everyone in La Crosse and vice versa!”

The council president concluded his letter by claiming several times that he – nor any other member of the city council – was “definitely not high, I promise”. Should the ordinance pass, all signage in the area will be altered to include the new name, costing about $430,000 dollars.

“We’re also gonna do the backwards thing, too,” Thowsandlaeks added excitedly. “Like… on the sign instead of saying ‘Welcome to Winona!’ it will say ‘You Are About To Leave Bizzarro La Crosse!’ because that’s the kind of thing they did in the show with that character. Get it…? Like… we’re saying goodbye instead of hello and vice versa…? I’m so goddamn lonely…”

Reporter Sam Shilts contributed to this article.