Woman Becomes First In History to Only Have to Re-Adjust Strapless Once

LA CROSSE, WIS — A La Crosse woman is being hailed as a history maker, after putting on a strapless swimsuit, re-adjusting it, and then never having to do so again.

Reports started coming in early Tuesday afternoon when 35 year old Hannah Breckinstorm attended a shared pool space at her apartment complex.

“She’s done it… she’s done the impossible,” an eyewitness said. “That’s what I thought when I saw what happened. I thought it was odd that she got up out of the pool and didn’t need to do anything, but then it kept happening! Over and over. She’s like a superhero.”

According to experts, strapless swimsuits are designed with two main intentions: allow the sun to hit a higher percentage of your shoulders and keep areolas out of public view. 

“Unfortunately, to achieve the first goal, the second is in constant jeopardy,” Dr. Maxine Kind, a swimsuitology professor at the University of Wisconsin-Beaches Corner said, “hence the constant readjusting most women are used to. The fact that Ms. Breckinstorm was able to achieve this is truly remarkable… a breakthrough in modern clothing wear.”

Breckinstorm could not be reached for comment, though Dr. Kind said the university may reach out to her to take part in extensive research that could lead to a breakthrough in swim wear for millions. Advertisers on Instagram have reportedly offered Breckinstorm several lifetime’s worth of sponsorships.

Reporter Sam Shilts contributed to this article.